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I Died Last Night


I died last night.
I closed my eyes and took one last breath.
Gasp­ing, try­ing to hold on.
Only to real­ize that there was noth­ing to hold on to.

The world I wanted to stay in wasn’t real.
It was a façade made up to make me feel as though I was in con­trol,
As if I were the cap­tain of my soul,
With the world fig­ured out and the answers in my clutches,
But if that were so I would not have had to die!

You see, my death was nec­es­sary.
It was the only way for me to escape a false real­ity built upon mis­con­cep­tions, lofty ideals, and ideologies.

What I thought I knew, and built mon­u­ments around, was destroyed at the time of my death.

I tried des­per­ately to hold on because dying is painful– don’t let any­one fool you.
Let­ting go of the world you grew in, lived in, thrived in, and pros­pered through is as painful as real­iz­ing that you can’t breathe; your nos­trils are blocked and your mouth is shut; no air; chok­ing, gasp­ing, strug­gling; only to find that the more you strug­gle, the faster you slip away into death.

I died yes­ter­day.
I closed my eyes and took one last breath.
And as I said good­bye to my old life,
I said hello to a new world, full of new thoughts, new ideas, new pos­si­bil­i­ties, new per­spec­tives, a broader world view; a brand new life.

But then I real­ized– by the time I build mon­u­ments around this new world,
It will be time for me to die again.

I died last night, and tomor­row, I’ll prob­a­bly die again.

Posted in: Poetry

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